Ikijigoku
by K-K-Girl
Summary: Something happens, and Chihiro has no where to go except the Spirit World. But something is wrong………
1. It Starts

A/N: okay, I had to do this! :D there's all your average ficlets out there that say Chihiro goes to an asylum etc., to get rid of her silly "dreams" of the Spirit World, and whatever. Well, hey! Pooh, because this is another one, only it's her journey through - wading her way into the medications and counciling they give her deeper and deeper, until she finds herself in the Spirit World, unable to tell Reality from Dreams/imagination... so of course Haku must come and save the day! :D this isn't necessarily the summery I'm going to stick with, though. Dur. So, right, don't judge by what I've got here, okay?  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Spirited Away!  
  
The A/N and Disclaimer apply to ALL following chapters.  
  
Summery: Something happens, and Chihiro has no where to go except the Spirit World. But something is wrong...  
  
Genre: dunno yet... Drama? Angst? Romance? Horror? Action or adventure?  
  
Rating: to be decided  
  
Length: heck, how should I know how long this is going to be?  
  
Chihiro's POV  
  
One Week After The Movie  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
"But Okaasan, it was real, I promise! It wasn't a dream, this isn't a lie!" tears sprang out of my eyes as I turned wildly from Yuuko to Akio. "Otousan, you believe me, don't you?" he looked me straight in the eye, then dropped his chin, shoulders slumping.  
  
"Miss Ogino," the doctor said, laying a hand on my shoulder. I jerked it away. he ignored the gesture of anger and distrust. "You will like being here, you'll make a lot of friends, and be happy. It won't be long, I promise."  
  
"But I don't want to!" I cried, more tears coming. "Okaasan, Otousan! Please, don't let them take me away, don't let them! Don't you love me? don't you want to me live with you anymore?"  
  
Yuuko's shoulders slumped now in a sigh. "Chihiro, dear," she began smoothly, "you've been ranting about this... Spirit World, now, ever since we got here. You've been having dreams - good and bad alike - that have been waking your father and I up as well as you. this place here will make you better, honey, and you'll understand."  
  
"No! please, don't!" I broke down into sobs and clutched at Yuuko's shirt. "Don't!" I sobbed, hiccuping a little bit. "I'm not maladjusted! I'm not lying, it wasn't a dream! Okaasan, please, plehehease don't l- let them t-t- take me awayhay! Please!"  
  
Yuuko gently removed my hands from her shirt.  
  
Akio came over, and held her hand as Yuuko bent her head, looking about ready to cry. The doctor calmly took me by my shoulders and drew me away from them.  
  
"She'll be fine," he assured. Other doctors pooled in, talking to Yuuko and Akio, telling them how fine I would be in just a little while, and that they didn't have to worry. I stopped struggling, staring at them in disbelief.  
  
"You aren't my parents!" I shouted suddenly as they began to be pushed out. "You aren't my parents! My REAL parents would never EVER leave me like this! They wouldn't abandon their own daughter!": I began to fight again, trying to get at them as they left the room. "I HATE YOU!" I screeched. "AKIO, YUUKO, I HATE YOU BOTH WITH ALL OF MY HEART!"  
  
"Can we get a mild tranq?" asked the doctor holding me back.  
  
I hated this place.  
  
It scared me. the barred windows scared me. the freaked out kids walking around scared me. the locked doors scared me. I was scared - and there was no way - no way! - that I would ever forget the Spirit World, or any of my friends. Especially Haku.  
  
I would never tell them or anybody else that it was just a dream. I would never stop believing.  
  
.  
  
But, oh, how quickly my judgement changed. 


	2. It Continues

After a restless night spent in my room (if It could be called a "room") and the latest nightmare spent screaming from Spirit World Inc., I looked out the window blankly.  
  
My mind felt fuzzy and pressurized, like a balloon being squeezed. I remembered everything - and truly wished I hadn't said those things to my parents. They were too naïve, they would never understand. I should have accepted that first thing. Now they were probably certain that I was nuts - that my cheese was off my cracker. That I wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. That my bananas had been peeled. That my brain was just a big huge coconut.  
  
So, of course, I promptly began to cry. Luckily, I ended up falling asleep again, and didn't have any nightmares - just a happy dream spent with Haku. When I woke up once more, I felt better, and eventually got up and started pacing.  
  
Rather sooner than expected, there was a knock on the door, and a woman came in.  
  
"Miss Ogino?" she asked, giving me a tight smile. "I have somebody that you'll like to meet. His name is Mr. Kawa. All of the girls call him Yuki- chan, though," her smile became tighter, stretching over her lips. "He'll be your councilor. Come on, now, are you hungry? You must be."  
  
"No," I muttered, hating this place. this... what was this? A jail? An asylum? "I had a big dinner last night, I'm not very hungry." Then, seeing the look on her face, I quickly added; "Yet."  
  
Her tight smile became, if possible, tighter. "This way, then." She led me by the shoulders down a hallway and elevator, to a big room with a window in the hallway, so that one could see inside a desk, a TV, some games, and many, many different toys. A plate of cookies sat atop the desk, and behind the desk sat Mr. Kawa himself, it seemed. I was pushed inside (light classical music was playing) and sat down at the chair across from Mr. Kawa.  
  
"This is Miss Ogino, Yuki-chan," the woman said, her smile genuine and hinted with a blush as she handed over a file - big thick yellow folder filled with papers - after he had turned off the music. Radio. Hmm. Interesting.  
  
"Thank you, Nurse," Mr. Kawa replied, also smiling at her. She giggled (nervously) and left, closing the door firmly behind her.  
  
Mr. Kawa smiled at me now, and I had a very un-Chihiro-like urge to scream myself hoarse at him and smack that fake smirk right off his face. "So, Miss Ogino, what did you do to get landed here?" he asked, voice soft as he rippled through the papers. I longed to see what Mr. Your-daughter-will-be- fine had written about me.  
  
"I had an adventure and some dreams," I said flatly, suddenly realizing how hungry I really was.  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence where he finished reading the papers, closed the file, and leaned back in his chair, placing it in a big file cabinet. Under 'O' for 'Ogino' no doubt.  
  
"Hmm, I understand that you had a big adventure while moving here. Would you like to tell me about it?"  
  
So, of course, I told him my adventure of everything, starting from when my new school had been pointed out to me and ended when we came at last to our new house. I didn't tell him how to get to the Spirit World. I didn't tell anybody - I couldn't let what happened to me happen to anybody else.  
  
"I see," he said, placing his finger tips together. "And you say... you, love, this Mr. Haku?"  
  
"Yes," I muttered, ducking my head as I felt a blush creep up my cheeks.  
  
"And he is a river god, young man, and dragon all at the same time?"  
  
"All wrapped up into one." Perfect being, I added mentally.  
  
"Tell me more about your parents' reaction to this, their role during before and after your... adventure."  
  
So I did.  
  
"Ah-huh," he said, and I only just became realized that he was writing stuff down on a clipboard all this time. "Tell me about your dreams."  
  
So I did. They were really - they had been more memories, really, that either ended in me waking up in the morning with a huge grin or at twelve at night screaming bloody murder. I even told him about the ones I had had when I had gotten here.  
  
"I see," he murmured, and after a moment more of writing, he put his pencil down and smiled prettily at me.  
  
I wanted to be sick.  
  
"Miss Ogino," he started, "you have a condition - it's rare, but not relatively new. You're going to have a hard time wading through all of this reality and magical stuff, butt what I'm going to do is help you separate reality from fantasy so that you can go home to your mother and father safe and sound, better than before." He beamed. I scowled.  
  
"It was real! I just told you, everything! It was all real, it seriously happened! It wasn't a dream, this isn't a lie! Just let me go home, I won't talk about it again, I promise, just let me go home." My shoulders slumped as tears polled in my lowered eyes and began to spill.  
  
"You only think it was real," Mr. Kawa said. "Miss Ogino, you are terribly confused right now, mentally as well as emotionally. I'm going to get rid of that confusion, the staff and I, but we can't help you unless you accept our help."  
  
I sighed, wiping my tears away. they hadn't worked.  
  
Was I going to do? Just nod and say "Hai Yuki-sama" ever five minutes? It would probably get me out faster. Lying to myself, and going on and on about how they were right, I was wrong, that was how I would get home. "home" was back in Tokyo, not in that god forsaken town.  
  
Still, saying that they - Haku - did not exist left a bad taste in my mouth just thinking of it - of betraying them. That's what it felt like.  
  
Betrayal.  
  
But what if... what if it all HAD been a dream?  
  
No. my love for Haku was real.  
  
"It was real," I said firmly through my teeth. "It IS real. I'm telling you the truth. It IS real. Haku IS real, and he loves me, and Baby, and Rin, and Kamajii, and Zeniiba and all of the others, they're my friends, and they're all real. It's the truth."  
  
"I understand, Miss Ogino."  
  
I could hear the disbelief in his voice.  
  
"IT'S THE TRUTH!" I shrieked, jerking to my feet. The chair went out flying behind me, and a bouncy ball went sailing. "THEY'RE REAL, THE SPIRIT WORLD IS REAL, AND I WON'T LIE AND SAY IT ISN'T!" I set my jaw, breathing heavily. "It's real!" I cried again, and my ears were filled with a strange buzzing as Mr. Kawa pushed a button and spoke.  
  
"IT'S THE TRUTH! IT'S REAL! THEY'RE ALL REAL!"  
  
Doctors burst in, and held me kicking, struggling, screaming, crying, down, and I felt the pinch of a needle going into my arm. I screamed before I fell into darkness.  
  
.  
  
Another week passed in this manner.  
  
. 


	3. It Ends?

It wasn't until my third week there that I began to "cooperate". Anything to keep those pills and needles and drinks away. they made me slur, and feel tired, and stumble around, and be dizzy.  
  
I went to "counciling sessions" alone with Mr. Kawa and other times in groups with other girls my age, younger, older. Sometimes I was allowed to go into a room with instruments in it, a different one with a TIV in it and movies, but otherwise I spent the majority of the time in my "room."  
  
I still refused to tell them that "Yes, the Spirit World was just a dream" and "No, I am not in love - that's silly for a ten year old lady - with a dragon/river/boy thing" and everything else. She would never.  
  
Never, ever, lie like that.  
  
But what little good behavior I gave did let up on the spoonfuls of hot sticky stuff to barf over completely - no longer swallowing it. needles were only used if I lost my temper, and I took two different pills every night like a good girl with my orange juice under the strict supervision of a different nurse or doctor.  
  
"You are beginning to improve," Mr. Kawa had said proudly one afternoon.  
  
It was my fourth week that I was allowed to see Yuuko and Akio again. They came and visited me.  
  
"Okaasan, Otousan, please take me away from here," I begged, tear strained, clinging to them as they clang to me. "This place is freaky, please! They give me stuff every night and it makes my brain foggy and everything, it's terrible! Please, I didn't mean what I said before, I'm sorry, it'll never happen again!" I looked deep into Yuuko's eyes. "I promise that I will never talk about the Spirit World ever again in front of anybody, and I'll drink a glass of milk every night so that I won't have any dreams! Please," my voice dropped to a whisper.  
  
It was in the fifth week that everything started to take affect on me.  
  
Where was Haku, during all of this? Couldn't he sense my pain and suffering? Why didn't he come take me away? had he forgotten already?  
  
Or was it true, what their words said. Their words that seemed more and more logical every day.  
  
There was no Spirit World. It was all a dream. I should understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Haku did not exist. Yubaba did not exist. Spirits did not exist. They did not exist, except in my dreams and imagination.  
  
Sometimes, though, I got anngry and overreacted. This always resulted in The Needle, and I learned my lesson. Most of the time.  
  
I began to hate my so-called parents in my sixth week.  
  
And I began to actually genuinely question - everything - in my seventh week. When I let this slip to Mr. Kawa, he clapped and said "Good girl, Miss Ogino! We're progressing!"  
  
How long had I been there? Now I moved sluggishly, and I didn't care about things. Nothing. Everything sucked - this was the real world. Had it been a month? A year? A century? I figured as much, maybe a little over a month, but it felt so long. In a few more weeks I would be eleven, I discovered after as Mr. Kawa for the date.  
  
Now Yuuko and Akio visited more often, but I either refused to look at them or talk to them. So far, I had avoided taking my hair out - my limp ponytail in the purple hair band that would supposedly protect me. why hadn't it done its job? What kind of parents did this to their daughter? They must hate me truly, or not care, to do this so easily without any more thought.  
  
I was given a big birthday party when I turned eleven, and Akio and Yuuko were there, and everybody was like "Oh, hurrah you're eleven now!" well, goodie goody for me.  
  
I was more interested in my inner battles.  
  
'Haku,' I thought separately one day while sitting through a session of group counciling. 'Please, come see me, rescue me, take me away from this awful place!'  
  
"Miss Ogino? Miss Ogino, I said, How are you feeling today?"  
  
"Shitty." The response was unexpected, from both me and the others. But then the majority of my group burst out laughing and patted me on the back, and they forgot the incident.  
  
But I didn't.  
  
And neither, it seemed, did the councilor, who told Mr. Kawa, who in turn spent an entire two hours explaining to me that it was okay to be angry and it was wonderful that I was getting rid of my pent-up-emotions and stress, but to please not to do it in that sort of way again.  
  
I asked him how when and where I could do it.  
  
He led me to a big empty room that had s beanbag on one side of the room and a boppo thing (I really big balloon that could be hit repeatedly and just bounce back) in the middle of the room.  
  
"Hit him," Mr. Kawa urged, pointing an accusing finger at Mr. Boppo. I marched up to him, drew back my fist, and socked it to him good. He bopped right back and settled again. Silent. Waiting for more. Having no other lot in life.  
  
I screamed and pummeled him.  
  
Eventually I got The Needle.  
  
It was around this time that my eating habits changed drastically.  
  
A week later, Mr. Kawa once more spent two complete hours preaching to me about crap. The subject of the day: That I was making such progress and refusing to eat was only going to make me stay there longer.  
  
So I was now taking group sessions with a bunch of mentally disordered girls who were Anorexics. I felt sorry for them - most of them were older than me, but there was a couple that were nine and ten. I felt awful for them.  
  
'Welcome to the real world, Sen.' I thought. I always called myself Sen mentally now. 'This is reality.'  
  
I was seriously dying of hunger (or "malnutrition" as the Anorexic councilors cheerfully put it) and couldn't resist to nibble on some bread. I knew that it would fill me up, if I ate a whole piece of wheat bread slowly.  
  
The next time Akio and Yuuko visited, I realized that I had been there three months.  
  
Three whole complete months.  
  
Three months of pain.  
  
Torture.  
  
Needles.  
  
Foodlessness.  
  
Realizations.  
  
'What does it matter really,' I thought the next afternoon. 'I hate them and they hate me - I hate the world. Even if I get out of here, I'll just die anyway. Oh, Haku! If your exist, then please, answer me in some way, please!' I cried myself to sleep now.  
  
I found it almost enjoyable to hit Mr. Boppo exactly five times now each morning and night; the first punch from my thin and bony fist (weak) was for Akio, the second Yuuko, the third for this wicked place, the forth for the Spirit World, the fifth... for this dream I had dreamt up and fallen in love with. Haku.  
  
It became routine.  
  
Five punches in the morning, and five at night. It soon developed into a habit.  
  
I liked it. it made me feel a little better, to be able to smack something. I had now begun to eat a little, just to get rid of my Anorexic rumors. I piece of bread and a gulp of orange juice (with my two pills) every day. It took them quite a while to realize that I wouldn't change this. So they decided to handle first problem first.  
  
Seeing as they had plenty of glucose bags and needles lying around, we went back to the whole Fantasy-Reality thing. I was sick of it. if Haku and them really existed, if my hair band was supposed to protect me, then why hadn't either of them done anything?  
  
With plenty of tears, every night, morning, a lot during the day, I finally acknowledged the truth.  
  
"We've done it!" Mr. Kawa said, clapping his hands and giving me a quick squeeze, careful of my frailness. "Hurrah, Miss Ogino! At this rate, you'll be home sooner than expected!" he beamed.  
  
By the time four months had passed, I was all ready to be tranferred to a different hospital. There, some tests blah bleh blah would be run, then I would go "home" along with the catch: meetings every Tuesday and Friday, for Anorexics. I wasn't Anorexic. I didn't care how I looked.  
  
But I cooperated.  
  
"You'll have to be homeschooled," the woman who dearly wished to be my mother said, introducing me to my room again. I had forgotten what it looked like. Already? It seemed I had forgotten a lot of things... a small gasp of panic held my heart when I realized that all I could remember before moving here were little bits and pieces. These included the "Spirit World" and my dream boy, whom I still loved. I cried myself to sleep each night.  
  
I was given a free Mr. Boppo and two different pill bottles. I still took two pills every night with a small gulp of orange juice, and I still hit Mr. Boppo every morning and night five times. One night, he popped, but I didn't notice. And in the morning I had gone crazy, fists twitching, tensed up as I frantically tried to blow him up again. I finally let out an anguished yell and beat on my closet door. My little weak bony wrists were bleeding when I was done.  
  
After that, a new Boppo was kept in a safe place for me in case I popped my new one like I had the first.  
  
I hated them all. I rarely spoke to Yuuko and Akio (as I thought of them - I had no parents nor friends) unless it was to remind them we were out of orange juice, or that we were late for my stupid Anorexic meetings, or would Yuuko please toast my daily slice of wheat bread?  
  
Hunger was always there, just like the anger. I found that I could convert my hunger into more anger, and anger could be taken out with my usual five a morning/night punches.  
  
After a while, I started taking food and hiding it in my room. I went out of my way to push my stomach out, and spend more time in the sun.  
  
Eventually, my little act gained Akio's and Yuuko's trust, but slowly. Leaving me home alone, for instance. Taking me on a drive individually.  
  
Finally, all of my hard work paid off. I walked home one later afternoon from my last Anorexic meeting. I was sick - I had had to eat half a bag of crackers, two slices of cheese, an entire cup of cranberry juice, and a pancake in front of everyone to show that I was no longer Anorexic.  
  
It began to rain. I pulled my sleeves down over my cut up scarred wrists, small, frail, bony, and bent my head, watching my feet as I walked. 


	4. It's A Dream!

I splashed slowly and purposefully in the mud, liking the feel of rain pelting my coatless back.  
  
I didn't notice that I had taken a wrong turn until almost an hour later, thirty minutes, when I almost ran into a gargoyle thing. I stopped and stared at it. it walked around it, then backed away out of the rain, which was suddenly extremely cold, into a black tunnel. It was dry here. The coldness was still there, though, and seeped into my bones. I shivered. What a way to die.  
  
'This must be the place where I had that dream,' I thought distastefully. I could only remember snatches of the dream; a big headed woman; and other things. Just little clips and flashes. But what brought up a raging anger - the hate within me - was that I was certain my dream boy I had fallen in love with - and still loved - had been dreamed up here.  
  
My fists clenched. I shivered, shook with anger and hatred as I stared into the blackness as well as from cold, and a hand groped my side until I came across my pocket. Reaching in, I swallowed the two pills I kept there.  
  
I wouldn't be returning any time soon. Turning, eyes hot with hatred, I punched the wall five times, my malnutrionized fists bleeding and raw when I turned again to the tunnel and went through.  
  
I had to know. I had to end it.  
  
This had to stop.  
  
Now.  
  
Here.  
  
I ignored the room old fashioned as I passed through it. outside, the rain was falling even harder than before. Squinting, I thought that I could see lights on the other side. I looked behind me, but my vision was blurred and lights were there. My pills must have been taking affect sooner than I had thought. I walked forward, and paused as I hit water. So I took off my shoes and socks and rolled my jeans up my thighs before continuing.  
  
I ended up swimming.  
  
I didn't bother resting at all, no, not in the least bit. Why bother? The water stung my fists, making them ache and hurt terribly, but I ignored them.  
  
When I finally came to a stairway, I gasped, and my pills and exhaustion took affect, and I tripped head first, mind tipping into blackness.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
When I woke up again, it must have been morning. I felt that usual tingling in my body that meant it was time for my pills, and my fists clenched unconsciously. 'I hope you're ready, Mr. Boppo,' I thought, opening my eyes. I stared at the ceiling, and felt my breathing quicken as I sat up.  
  
"Haku told me to come here and ask you for a job give me a job please!"  
  
"Um, are you Kamajii?"  
  
"Wait! What do I do with this?"  
  
"Yes ma'am!"  
  
"Haku! Oh no, does it hurt?"  
  
"I'll go to Zeniiba and apologize! She can help Haku!"  
  
"Everybody, I need my shoes and clothes, please."  
  
"I did let him in!"  
  
"I'll handle that now."  
  
"Haku! Haku, I'm going to get you some help, okay?"  
  
I cried out, clutching my head as memories - no, fragments of my dream - flashed through my mind, all of them taking place in the room I was in. I jumped to my feet, teetered, and fell, collapsing off the step onto the dusty ground beside it.  
  
My shout woke up three beings there.  
  
Kamajii, as fragments of my dream told me. Rin, my memories of the dream told me. Haku, my heart told me.  
  
I jumped back up to my feet, and for a moment nothing happened. Then I relaxed.  
  
I was dreaming again.  
  
And there was no way that I was going to let myself get Fantasy and Reality confused again. No way. I looked around as one of them spoke, not listening though. I felt at my pockets, hoping dearly that I would have two pills there. I felt them and gave a little sigh of relief. I looked around hoping that I could conjure up a dream Mr. Boppo.  
  
No such luck.  
  
"Chihiro?"  
  
I looked back to (Haku, was it?) and frowned. That...  
  
"This is just a dream," I informed all three of them. "So don't go trying to make me get all confused, understand?" then I backed up until I was on the last step and examined the pills in my hand. I wished that there was something else there to beat upon other than walls. I looked up and eyed the three silently for a minute.  
  
They were talking again. I wished that they wouldn't. I felt a pressure, and realized that Rin was behind me. I made a half-hearted effort t listen to her.  
  
"Sen, this isn't a dream," she said, gripping my shoulders. "What's happened to you? you're so thin and pale, you're shaking!" she paused. "are you cold?"  
  
"NO!" I jerked away from her, scrambling back and falling into a pile of soot balls. I almost lost the pills in my hand, but stuffed them in my mouth instead and used my elbow and momentum to twist around, landing on my bloody knees instead of my sore back. I swallowed.  
  
Now somebody was behind me.  
  
I twisted my head and looked up, vision blurring momentarily. Good. Soon I would wake up again and gave my bread and orange juice and pills and Mr. Boppo and...  
  
Wait a second. My morning pills weren't supposed to make me sleepy!  
  
Must have been my night pills. I shook away the feeling, and pushed myself up, away from his grasp. This was just a dream, so I couldn't get hurt, so my pills would affect me the way I wanted them to. I tried to bring a Mr. Boppo, but again, nothing. What, was this a night mare?  
  
Yes, it was.  
  
Biting my lip, I managed to muffle a scream as I beat the floor into a bloody pulp.  
  
My blood, actually.  
  
But I felt better after my five hits. Angrily, I wiped tears off my face, only streaking them with blood and dirt and soot.  
  
I took a deep breath, then looked up at Rin, Kamajii, and Haku, all of whom were bent over me, holding me.  
  
I took a deep breath.  
  
I stood up, a little dizzy. They were speaking.  
  
No, it was Haku who was speaking.  
  
"-Some sort of human thing, it's, it's doing something to her mind! Destroyed it, destroying it!" Haku's shout in the middle of whatever he was saying brought me back to life. I sat down heavily.  
  
"Chihiro," Haku said softly, leaning above me, supporting my back and neck with his hands and knee. "Chihiro, don't go to sleep, okay? Can you tell me what happened?"  
  
"... Happened?" I asked thickly. 


	5. It Isn't A Dream

~  
  
THIRD PERSON POV  
  
~  
  
"Yes! How did you get so..." Rin trailed off. What could she say? Chihiro was incredibly, unnaturally thin, her hair was limp and lifeless, as well as her pale skin. Her eyes were the worst part - those big bright brown orbs that had held such hope and determination and life before were now flat colors of brown around dilated pupils. Devoid of emotion. Devoid of hope. Love. Color. Feeling. Lifeless. She looked like she had been emotionally tortured!  
  
"... How did you get so lifeless?" Rin finished at last.  
  
"...Lifeless?" Chihiro repeated, slurring. Her eyes were half-closed.  
  
"No, Chihiro-chan, don't go to sleep!" Haku thought quickly, frantically. All sense of neutrality and thought abandoned.  
  
"She needs to throw up whatever those pills were that she swallowed," Kamajii said, loudly enough to cut through Haku's adrenaline-ized thoughts. "Quickly, outside! Pout your fingers down her throat - now, hurry!"  
  
Haku wordlessly carried Chihiro to the door, opening it with a foot, and did as he was told.  
  
Chihiro didn't seem at all happy when he brought her to her knees and shoved two fingers down her throat, and Rin came out to help.  
  
This didn't make her any happier, and one hand tangled itself in Haku's hair while the other yanked uncomfortably against Rin's shirt.  
  
She allowed them to wash her mouth out, then seemed to decide that she didn't want them touching her at all. after some coaxing, she was sitting on the other end, next to the soot-balls'-wall-holes, knees drawn up to chest.  
  
"Chihiro," Kamajii said gently. "Tell us, please, what happened?"  
  
"... Happened?" came the flat, toneless, weak reply.  
  
"How did you get like this?" Rin asked, trying a different approach.  
  
".... Like this?" the same toneless, slightly slurred, weak, tired reply.  
  
Haku, though, had thought things through. He had somewhat more direct questions, that got much more direct answers.  
  
"Chihiro-chan, you said this was a dream. What makes you think it was a dream?"  
  
"Coz I had the dream like this 'afore with all of you guys in it all the time for a while but I got that fixed least I thought so I guess not coz look here I am. Dreaming." She spoke slowly and flatly. She was obviously exhausted. Didn't need to take a breath, her words were simply slow enough.  
  
"You had this dream before?" Haku coaxed. "How many times?"  
  
"... Lotsa times, I did."  
  
"Can you tell us them?"  
  
"C'nt 'member."  
  
"Why not? I thought you just said you had had this dream before."  
  
"Ah ya, bu' I c'n on'y 'member bits and pieces."  
  
"Can you tell us those bits and pieces, then?"  
  
"Mom and dad was pigs.... An' I was runnin' and there was somethin' smelly and somebody tha' scare' meh lots... and there was a tunnel... then blackness and in real life tried to tell 'em wasn't dreams, bu' iwas wrong. Jus' dreams." Her eyes crossed slightly, and she closed them, shaking her head slightly. During all of this, she was unaware that the other three had been creeping forward. Chihiro stifled a yawn.  
  
"What made you think they were simply dreams?"  
  
"oh ya, lotsa things," Chihiro's reply was drifted.  
  
Suddenly, she stopped. "iu remember!" she began, jerking to her feet. Her voice became clearer as she began running on adrenaline. "I remember!" she shrieked. "I hate them! I hate my so called mom and dad for putting me in that place and I hate my stupid self for making up dreams that put me in that place to start out with! Some sort of asylum, and I was all alone, and nobody helped me because I was supposed to be crazy! I was! I hate Yuuko and I hate Akio and I hate the other girls and I hate the dumb doctors! I hate that place! and I hate myself! And I hate my dreams, and everybody in them!" she took a deep breath, stumbling away from Haku, Rin, and Kamajii.  
  
"AND I Remember now, who it was that I hated more than anything!" Chihiro's breathing was ragged as she slammed her back accidentally against the door, eyes wide. "I hate you!" she shrieked. "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!"  
  
She was shocked into dumbfoundedness from Haku's response.  
  
"Why." He asked. voice completely flat, face completely neutral. He didn't pursue her, just stood there. Both Rin and Kamajii stared at him.  
  
"......... What?" Chihiro asked weakly, sinking down.  
  
"Why," Haku repeated, "do you hate us?"  
  
"Because you put me in some crazy house!" Chihiro cried. "I prayed and I cried and back when I was crazy too, I thought, 'they'll come for me, I can escape, he'll come for me', but ya know what? I gave up! I accepted the fact that I was crazy and I had my last food disorder meeting and I've got my entire death planned out and for that I'm happy!" tears streaked her face, making the blood and soot and dirt on it even worse.  
  
"I take two pills in the morning and two at night and hit Mr. Boppo for Akio, Yuuko, for that wicked place with the needles, for the ""Spirit World"" not being there or existing, for this dream I had dreamt up and fallen in love with! Why don't you all just leave me alone? Why won't this night mare end?" I fell forward to my knees.  
  
"DO YOU THREE KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME!?!" Chihiro wailed. "YOU'VE KILLED ME! I COULDN'T EVEN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FANTASY AND REALITY!" with each syllable, she pounded the floor, once more tearing her weak, bony wrists apart. This wasn't her five-a-morning-and-a-night punch thing. This was for the universe, for herself. She hated... SHE HATED EVERYTHING, EVERYBODY, including HERSELF! She felt better, ripping something apart; even if it was apart.  
  
Of course, her sleeves ended up, and cuts and scars showed, but she ignored them or the soft gasp on Rin's part. Kamajii figured out what Haku was doing, and held Rin back, who was trying desperately to get to Chihiro, to help her.  
  
"Shut, Rin," Haku hissed.  
  
Finally, Chihiro had beat herself out, and forced herself to her feet, breathing heavily. Now she was slurring slightly again.  
  
"So I'm gonna go wake m'self up now and die," she sat flatly. "I'll end it once and for all."  
  
Haku, however, marched up to her and dragged her back a few paces.  
  
"This isn't a dream, Chihiro-chan," he said seriously, perfectly neutral. It scared Chihiro a little bit, but she pushed it off and backed away.  
  
Rin had given up by now and let Kamajii hold her back, watching helplessly.  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"Then prove it."  
  
Chihiro froze, and stared at Haku. Prove it? you couldn't prove to a dream person who you hated more than anything that they were a friggin nightmare! "Prove it?" Chihiro repeated, hatred glistening. "I think that YOU should prove to me that this ISN'T a dream."  
  
"Glad to oblige."  
  
"Wha...?" the reply hadn't been expected, so Haku's next movement wasn't expected either.  
  
Rin shrieked and managed to get a couple of obscenities yelled at Haku before Kamajii clapped a few hands over her mouth as well. He fixed Haku with a look - that had been a little bit TOO harsh.  
  
Meanwhile, Chihiro was slowly turning her head back to its natural position, the smack continuing the ring in her ears.  
  
She touched the spot on her cheek, and managed not to flinch in pain or whimper. But it hurt. It stung! That bastard! 'I hate him! I always have!' she thought angrily.  
  
Hake slowly lowered his arm as Chihiro slowly opened her eyes. Both were shaking with suppressed emotion. 


End file.
